No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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