I just cut my nipple shaving
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
