yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Watching her eat just hurts me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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