So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
