Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
