she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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