We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
