You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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