I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
