this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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