I'm lost and stupid without you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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