I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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