Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
