Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
