we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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