we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
