I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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