try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My life is pants optional.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
