A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
