He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
