Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
