Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Acid is not a monday night drug
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize