Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
