please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
