I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
