You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
