Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
