Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
