I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
