My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
