Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
