Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
