Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
