You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
