I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
