This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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