You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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