so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
