p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
