Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize