hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Even the bartender felt bad for me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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