I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
