I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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