this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
