the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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