I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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