i can't believe i had my finger in that
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
