I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
