Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
