On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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