**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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