This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
