Kareoke will never be a sober sport
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
