the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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