well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
