Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
