I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
