So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
