you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize