my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
