Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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