Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
