So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
