this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
