Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
