he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
