There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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