im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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