Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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