Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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