I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
we should paint friendship bongs
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